Seashore Shenanigans
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: A day at the beach. What could possibly go wrong? Actually, quite a bit.


It had seemed like such a simple task, albeit a bit time consuming. Drive out to the small coastal town, pick up the taxidermied horses that his boss had purchased over the phone, return to the Mystery Shack, and call it a day. Soos never thought for a moment that his trusty truck would have any mechanical troubles. Suffice to say he had a major shock when a puff of smoke burst from under the hood in the middle of loading the soon-to-be attractions.

Now the flustered fellow paced about the driveway of their pickup point, cell phone in hand and trying his best to explain everything to his chagrined employer. "...Yeah, so I'm sorry, Mr. Pines but we're gonna be totally stuck here until...I know, I know, I'm sorry, dude, but we just loaded them on when something just blew on us. I dunno what, and it's gonna be a while until someone can get out here and…"

As he struggled tried to get a handle on the situation, his errand buddies had long since taken eager advantage of their "coincidental" breakdown in the tiny seaside town, and were now taking full advantage of the gorgeous beach literally right across the road. On the sand, three small bundles of clothes sat clumped together in a little pile. Meanwhile, down in the waves a bathing suit-clad teen and preteen were happily splashing about in the cool Pacific surf.

"Ha! I still can't believe that worked!" Dipper exclaimed for what must have been at least the third time. His mischievous genius of a friend practically cackled in delight and flicked some water onto his face.

"I told you that I could do it." Wendy smirked triumphantly. "It was a snap. I just had to wait for Soos to go inside the house, take a screwdriver, and _bam_! Free day at the beach."

"I didn't think you knew so much about cars." The boy attempted to drop a subtle compliment on his crush, which she only accepted with a shrug.

"I wouldn't call it a lot." She admitted as she floated a little on her back. "But I know enough how to make them not work."

Seeing as how that didn't go as planned, Dipper backtracked and decided to go for a joke instead. "Not working...you're pretty good at that."

"You take that back!" She yelled, playfully feigning insult as she stood up again. "Good at it? I am the master of getting out of work, and you _know_ it! _Skoosh_!"

Wendy lashed hard against the water, and soon the two were locked in a ferocious splash fight. For a few minutes they dodged about, trying to avoid the other's attacks as their laughter mixed with the crash of the waves upon the nearby shore. Suddenly, Wendy took a jerky tumble backwards, and let out a startled whoop as she vanished under the surf.

"Wendy!" Dipper blurted out in excessive alarm, and immediately thanked his lucky stars that she didn't hear that. She soon resurfaced, and with a lick of her neck she whipped her wet hair back out of her face before putting on a reassuring grin.

"I'm okay! I just...I think I just...huh..." Her face contorted with genuine bafflement as she started to feel about in the water around her.

"Uh...you all right?" Dipper pried as he watched on bemusedly.

"I dunno...I thought that I just tripped back over a rock or something, but..." She gently kicked about as her confusion climbed. "Weird. Where'd it go-"

It was then that her mysterious "rock" suddenly made its appearance, and a spectacular one at that. A tiny brown mountain of fur and blubber suddenly reared out of the water only a few yards away. Yelling in shock, the two hastily swam back a few feet, and then maintained a cautious distance as they gazed upon a full-grown female sea lion. For a few moments the startled pair just treaded in a tense silence and warily looked over the curiously bold animal.

The close encounter with nature would have been spectacular if it weren't for the fact that something immediately seemed off. Dipper soon got the unsettling impression that it appeared awfully interested in him in particular. He tested out this theory by and swam a little to his left, and then to his right. Each time its beady black eyes followed his movements without fail, and soon he began to feel a fast-growing sense of dread welling up within.

"...Uh oh." He swallowed hard as shiver ran down the base of his spin.

By now, Wendy had also noticed that he was definitely and inexplicably being singled out, and definitely not in a good way. It stared intently at him for a few more seconds, until it began to curl its jet-black lips. As she slowly bared her teeth, it became all too clear to both of them that things were about to get seriously unpleasant.

"...D-Dipper?" The teen spoke in a quavering whisper.

"Uh-huh?" His eyes were widening fast with fright as he treaded a few inches away.

"_Swim_." She ordered urgently. "Swim...now...swim now...Dipper, just-"

The sea lion suddenly let out an earsplitting bellow, and angrily charged. Dipper took an instant to holler to the heavens in absolute horror. He then took off like a scrawny torpedo, paddling and kicking his skinny legs for dear life. As he frantically retreated towards the safety of the shore, he only just barely kept out of range of the powerful jaws of his furious pursuer.

Miraculously, Dipper made it back to the beach unharmed. However as the terror-stricken boy bolted up onto the sand, so did the sea lion, who followed him like an adolescent-seeking missile. Even though they were now both on land, he only had a miserably slight advantage. While he sprinted away, the enraged sea mammal continued to follow surprisingly close behind, barking angrily all the while.

"No! No! No no no no no!" He wailed in disbelief as he fled from the rampaging beast. "You're built for moving in water! You shouldn't be this fast on land! You shouldn't be this fast at all! _AUUGHH_! Go away!"

Trailing behind, Wendy hurriedly stumbled up onto shore to face an utterly surreal sight. Dipper raced in zigzags, back and forth, around and over piles of driftwood, and copied every other trick he had had seen in nature documentaries, and not a single one slowed down the veritable blubbery freight train barreling down on him.

"Why is...this stupid...thing trying...to kill me?!" Dipper gasped as they started to dash around in a large circle, getting out a couple breathless words every time he raced by his friend.

"I don't know!" The panicked girl confessed before attempting to come to his aid. "Hey! Hey, _stop_! Stop it! Leave him alone!"

Wendy hollered and yelled as loud as she could, acting like a girl gone mad. She tossed her arms in the air to make herself look taller, leapt up and down, and frantically hurled whatever was in reach, be it sand, driftwood, or handfuls of seaweed. Despite her vigorous efforts, the barrage of scare tactics were all for nothing. The sea lion continued its relentless pursuit of Dipper as if she wasn't even there.

"Wendy, make it stop! Make it _stop_!" He begged shamelessly, not caring one iota about how pathetic he sounded. There was a time and a place to try to impress one's crush, and being chased by an angry several-hundred pound beast definitely wasn't one of them. "_HEEEELLP_!

Out of options, Wendy started to wrack her brain furiously for a way out of this dilemma. "What's going on? Why the heck is it chase...wait...wait!"

Her pale green eyes bulged to nearly twice their size when realization struck with the force of a lightning bolt. Perhaps it wasn't Dipper that the sea lion was so angry with. Maybe instead she was actually furious with someone whom he resembled far too much for his own good. In an instant it all made sense, and she had just barely finished processing her revelation before she fired off like an arrow from a crossbow. Dipper of course wasn't heartened by her flight from the scene in the slightest.

"Where are you going?!" He wailed despairingly. "Wendy?"

"It's okay, I got this!" She tried to sound somewhat assuring as she raced off. "Just...uh...just keep running, okay?"

"I'm not a fan of this plan!" He cried as he continued to race around, hoping the his aching legs wouldn't give out beneath him.

Wendy dashed along beach, scouring like mad for signs of a particular preteen girl. Soon she spotted just what she was searching for. Further down the beach near a rocky outcrop was an almost overflowing bucket of meticulously collected seashells. The teen picked up her pace, dashed around the heavy half-buried stones and to her relief found exactly what she had been hunting for.

Sitting plopped in the sand in an improvised outdoor classroom of sorts, a twelve-year-old brunette was busily instructing a curious seal pup. The little animal patiently sat in the sand and watched her every movement intently. Mabel meanwhile was so caught up in her lesson, she didn't even notice her friend's sudden appearance, and neither did her adorably attentive student.

"…Okay then, let's try this one more time! Ready? Watch me." She threw back her head, stuck her arms straight out, and smacked her hands together. She repeated this several times, until the baby seal finally leaned back, and after a burst of effort it awkwardly clapped its flippers together, much to its teacher's immense delight.

"Yes! Yes!" She squealed joyfully. "You got it! You got it! Okay, try it again, like me! C'mon, clap! Clap for Mabel! Clappity clap clap!"

The seal did as bid, and even let out a squeaky bark as it did so. Mabel started clapping again too, and chimed along with her furry pupil with a throaty call of her own. "Whop! Whop!"

"**Mabel**!" Wendy shouted breathlessly as she skidded to a halt.

The preteen looked up and let out a gleeful yelp so shrill that it nearly reached the pitch of dog-whistle. As the teen winced involuntarily, Mabel stood up and gushed with excited chatter. "WENDY! Look at who I found! Look! Look what I found! Look, he just came out of the water, and….and just look at him! A real live seal! It's like a puppy, but with flippers!"

"What do you think you're doing?" The redhead managed to interrupt, and jabbed a finger in the direction of the barely audible sounds of the ongoing chase. Her friend however just chatted on, oblivious to the nearby chaos.

"I'm teaching this little guy to be awesome, that's what! He's learning so fast, too and-_hey_!" She yelped as Wendy grabbed her by the arm.

There was no time. The teen impatiently dragged her a few yards, and then jabbed furiously at the spectacle partway down the beach. Suffice to say, Mabel didn't need to watch her twin get chased about by a hulking sea lion for very long before she put two and two together. With a horrified gasp she darted back, scooped up the baby seal, and together she and Wendy were sprinting back to the rescue.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Flippy! No more playtime today!" she furiously apologized to the mildly confused little animal in her arms.

"You named it already?" Wendy couldn't help but exclaim between ragged breaths. They then skidded to a halt, Mabel hastily put down her new friend and together the two raised the largest clamor that they could.

"Over here! Look! Look!" The redheaded teen almost strained her throat as she shouted. "LOOK!"

"Heyheyhey!" Mabel waved her arms and danced about furiously. "Over here! Found baby alert! Found baby alert! _AWOOGA_! _AWOOGA_! Will the owner of a cute little guy with flippers get her blubbery butt over here, now! _AWOOGA_!"

They soon attracted the angry mother's attention. Once she laid eyes on her offspring, she lumbered to a stop and let out a grateful bark. In a flash she had forgotten all about the sweat drenched boy, who clumsily turned and made a beeline towards his friend and sister. The little pup squeaked excitedly, but before it waddled off it paused to look back at Mabel. While Wendy watched the two in genuine amazement, the preteen flashed a sad smile.

"It's okay. Yout Momma needs you now, see?" She gently shooed him off.

"C'mon, go! C'mon, Flippy…c'mon….good boy! That's a good boy!"

Obediently it waddled off, and Dipper's ordeal finally came to a badly needed end. As he wearily stumbled over to them, Mabel was immediately stricken with guilt. The smile vanished right from her face as she sorrowfully started to fire out apologies as fast as she could.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know, honest!" She jumped from foot to foot and babbled remorsefully. "He just came up onto the beach, I didn't know his mom would have a super freak out, and…and…I didn't know, Dipper! I didn't know!"

His skinny chest heaving up and down, Dipper barely managed to gasp, "It's okay...just...it's okay, I-I'm fine, just..."

The tween had been successfully drained of nearly every ounce of energy in his body. Feeling far too exhausted to even be upset, he dropped to his knees and gazed pleadingly to his sister. "Please...no more playing with wildlife..."

Mabel nodded wordlessly as she and Wendy both checked out the dog-tired boy. His dignity had definitely been shredded to almost nothing, but besides that and his expected fatigue, the boy appeared unharmed. The girls shared a relieved sigh together. Now that the madness had concluded, for the moment there wasn't too much more for them to do but wait until Dipper recovered his depleted breath.

Feeling a little beat herself from the ordeal, Wendy sat down and watched the successfully calmed mother seal waddle off, with her baby in tow. In spite of what they had just endured, she had to admit that it was surprisingly enjoyable watching the furry little pup awkwardly flop along behind its parent, squeaking adoringly all the while. She had no idea how long she had been watching, but by the time the two had become little more than brown dots on the other end of the beach, a smile had not only snuck onto her face, but had spread itself from ear to ear.

"All right, I'll give you this much." She conceded. "He is pretty cute. Next time though, maybe just take a picture or...Mabel?"

It was then that she realized the girl had vanished from her side. Dipper noticed too with a weary roll of the eyes. "Oh you have got to be _kidding_ me."

The two exchanged chagrined looks before they began to hunt for the missing girl. The boy sat up, cupped his hands around his mouth and called hoarsely. "Mabel! Maaaaabel!"

"GUYS! Check it out!" Mabel looked absolutely over the moon as she charged out of the nearby surf, happily cradling something small and fuzzy in her arms.

"Look at what I just found!" Her eyes sparkled brightly with utter delight as she tickled the little creature under it's chin. "Just look! Awww, it's like a sea kitten!"

The moment they saw the baby sea otter, panic sunk in face. Dipper's prepubescent vocal cords cracked violently with fright. "Mabel, NO!"

"Dude, put it back!" Wendy sputtered. "Put it back!"

Alas, they were already too late. Only a moment later a very confused and extremely upset full-grown otter plodded out of the water. On the hunt for the child-snatcher, it only took a few moments until it locked eyes on Dipper with an angry growl.

"No, no, no!" The panicked boy pointed furiously to his identical twin. "No, it wasn't me! It wasn't me, it was her! It was HER! Look, she's holding it right now! There! Your baby's right therAAAAUUGGH!"

It seemed good fortune had completely forsaken him for the day. The outraged mother charged at Dipper, leaving him no choice but to whirl around and flee as fast as he could.

"I hate the beach! I hate it!" He declared as he raced away.

"_What the heck_?!" Wendy turned and hollered angrily at the true culprit. Mabel wilted as she hurriedly turned over the filched pup. The redhead snatched it up, and as she raced off to the rescue of her beleaguered friend, the mortified preteen gave an apologetic shout.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it!" She confessed loudly. "Nature's just too cuddly sometimes!"

**The End**


End file.
